The One

You are the One - My Sweetheart

2008-12-14T09:01:00.000+05:30

You been the one for me like no one before
And we will come so far that I was sure
Every time you had looked in my eyes
I could see the love as vast as the Sky

We have walked steps with hand in hand
We made those little things in the sand
And we promised no matter how far
Our love will always be shining like a star

On that day I bid you good bye my love
Just you and me and the sky above
Tears in my eyes and in yours too
My heart cried and yours cried too

I was thinking when I see you again
Will you be waiting for me in that rain
The rain when you were so close to me
That two bodies but one heart were we

Now I am here and I think of you everyday
And trying to figure out there must be a way
That I can walk on straight to your heart
Hold you in arms so nothing can do us apart

Don’t cry I will be there when you open your eyes
I am there in your dreams that I will try
So that when you sleep you are not alone
And when you wake up I won’t be gone

Yours Love

Kris

Please dont hurt her

2008-11-02T08:19:00.003+05:30

Please don't hurt her coz she loves you so much. Every time you say, "I am going to walk away", you just break her heart... And then you cuddle her with sweet words saying things: "This is not going to happen again. Tomorrow is a new day. Things will be better". Tomorrow comes but you never change. Same old imaginary stories... Why are you not willing to trust her? She loves you the most and you know that.. You also love her from the bottom of your heart..then why this unnecessary pain in the relationship...

Give her some freedom... freedom to be herself.... don't try to control her.. DON'T just think about how you feel.. try to understand how much she is hurt when you put baseless allegations on her. There is no cure for this sickness where you can't trust your partner. You have to do it all yourself.

Make her feel that she is the little princess you promised the way you will treat her. She is all caring that she is putting up with all that crap. Don't threaten her with stuff like.." I will walk away"... because you know if she goes away.. there won't be anything.. just an abyss of pain...

Treat her well.. give her respect she deserves... and keep her smiling.. and trust that..you are the one she loves..

Kris

My Sweet Love

2008-07-20T13:13:00.003+05:30

Sweet, everything I do , I pause in between to think about you. I think of your face and I try to feel your touch , I listen to songs which you had played when we were together...I read the card yo u have made for me...This is the closest I can get to you.. yeah close.. but so far that you wont even listen if I say your name.. so far that you won't turn back if i sit here all day crying.. Crying is not an alternative because it wont take me any more closer to you than I already am..

So I wonder what I do that I reach a bit closer to you.. close enough that you turn back when my heart whispers your name with each passing beat..close enough so that you can see the tears in my eyes and come running in my arms.

When I see you again sweetheart, I will make sure that moment will linger on in your heart for a long long time. I will hold you tight enough so that our hearts can do the talking and we can just look into each other's eye. Just looking at you make me feel that every thing is right in this world at this very moment...Nothing else I need.. all my aspirations and dreams melt into the essence of life which is nothing but you. I long nothing more but your company. I long nothing but to share your happiness and I long nothing but to take away all your pain.

When I die, I might not be the one I wanted to be. But that does not make me sad even a bit because I got you as my life partner which is more than I could have ever wanted for ... including my life.

I love you and miss you a lot sweetheart

Yours Kris

Dad, I miss you

2008-06-29T13:50:00.002+05:30

Today I was watching The Wonder Years where Kevin goes to his Dad's office and gets to know what he actually does. His Dad tells him how this job was a fallback option and what he actually wanted to be i.e. a Ship Captain. It was such a nice feeling to know that behind that stern facade there is a man with dreams; dreams about what he wanted to be. What made it more mesmerising is that this guy carries on with his responsibilities every day so that his family can be happy as he put in very crude terms

"I clean other people's crap so that I can feed you guys" :)

Doing your duties when knowing that your dreams have gone by and you might not ever relize them, is a painful task.

The episode made me think about my Dad. I was fourteen when God took him away from us. I never got a chance to talk to him like that. I never knew why he took up this job and what he wanted to become in his life. All I talked to my Dad was; Dad I want this battery car, Dad I want to buy a pair of shoes, Dad I want to buy this Shirt, Dad I want this, Dad I want that. He for me was the giver;I would ask and he would buy it from me. After he bought stuff for me, I would go out and play with my friends but always thinking about the toy or clothes or shoes he bought for me. That made me happy. I never thought my Dad would be there with whom I will talk and thank him for whatever he was doing for us. All mthat mattered to me weas , the thing and not him.

One time, I cam back after giving my Std IX exams and Dad took my paper and asked me, "What did you answer fir this Maths question". I said in an irritated tone, "Dad, what do you know about this Maths?". Oh, god now I understand how much it would have hurted him for his son to answer like that when he had taught me everything till now. He felt bad, i know because he was talking to my mom saying " My son says that what will I know about his maths problem". Dad, I am sorry for that moment, I am sorry dad.

He gave us all he could and then he went away with god. I was crying. He left me crying never to come back, no matter how hard I try.

I never tried to understand my Dad, I never tried to understand his aspirations, I never tried to understand if he was happy.

If only I had a chance to meet him once, just once, I will talk over these things to my Dad and thank him for what he did for us.

Dad, I miss You

Kris

Postcard from Australia - 3

2008-06-08T20:38:00.002+05:30

8th June 2008, 20:14 hrs, Melbourne, Australia

My Dearest sweetheart, I have spent 15 days in this place. Each passing day makes me sad and happy at the same time, sad because so many days have passed since I saw you last and happy because each passing day brings me closer to you by one day.
Every morning I wake up, the first thing I think about Is you, what time it is in your place and what you would be doing. You know what, when the sunlight reaches this part of the world, you are sleeping in your bed, peacefully. I think about you curling with the blanket thinking that it is me and that brings a smile on my face. Everything you did when I was there lingers on with me and manifests before my eyes every now and then. I have you with me even when you are not here with me.

Love shall remain with thou even thou aren’t with your love if it is in the like of me – Psalm 003

I never knew that your love would change my life in such a way that every thread of my existence would rely on the shower of your love to be drenched in juice of life. If you were not there, I would have never realized the importance of sharing; sharing of heart, sharing of life, sharing of sorrow and sharing of happiness. You taught it to me.
While I am writing this postcard I am listening to the song, “Making love out of nothing at all” and it is beautiful my love. I say that you should hear it without fail. This reminds me of the moments when you would ask me to sing “Tumse Milke” from Parinda and listen to me as if I am singing it in a melodious fashion. To be honest, I liked singing for you. I could feel the peace in your breath when you heard me singing. I think that instead of my voice reaching you through your ears, my heart was singing directly to your heart and that transcended even the best piece of music that has been created till date.
I would sign off now sweetheart, but I would still be thinking about you. It is hard to use the kind of parlance I am using this postcard when at the same time I am getting your explicit messages on my cell.

Yours and Truly Yours

Krishan
God Bless You

Postcard from Australia - 2

2008-06-08T20:37:00.001+05:30

Melbourne, Australia, 29th May 2008, 10:20 PM

My Dearest Sweetheart, today is my fourth day in this land and it seems an eternity when I saw you last. your crying eyes lingers on in my memories. You trying not to cry even when the tears were defying you, just broke my heart, when I was coming here. I think of You just looking at me when I was standing at the counter taking ticket, so that you can see me as long as possible, knowing that this would be the last time before you see me after a long time.

I think you with every passing day, with every passing moment. I think that you would be waiting for me when the time comes for me to come back to home, come back to your arms. What else one needs in his life other than knowing that there is a cairng heart which will cry or laugh as your heart cries or laughs. Nothing is moe scary as being alone. I wonder if you were not there, who would have picked up the pieces, everytime I broke down. Everytime I felt low in life, I thought you are there and when these clouds of darkness recede, I will be with you and that moment will bring a smile on my face, no matter how high the waves of pain are hitting in my heart. Your face is a soothing potion for all the pain, anxities and worries in my life. I am so grateful to god that we met.

"You are not alone on this journey of life, walketh besides thou is your sweetheart who shall taketh away all your miseries" - Psalm 002

I miss the touch of your hands, I miss your breath on my neck, I miss your voice in my life. The void that is there in my life, when you are not here is poignant. It's poignant because I know you are there, and when I am with you my life would be complete. But all I can do is to wait for things to happen so that the circumstances get us closer. Leaving such a vital part of my life to the mercy of anything outside me is so foolish. I knoiw I have to regain the power of making choices. The choices which will bring us closer. The choices which one day would bring you in my arms. There is no joy in life if not you.

At this moment, the path that reaches you, eludes me. I dont know how things will manifest in coming days. But one thing I know that there is an immense longing for you in my heart and I can never be happy staying away from you. I will take steps, even if small ones, to walk the path of love. The path of love is a narrow dirt road surrounded by green hills on both side and is laden with mapel leaves and each of the leaves come alive when we both walk over them. We put the life of love in those leaves and they become the divine light for the lovers who have lost their way like us. Our love would be greater than us, my sweetheart and that is one thing I can assure you.

Take care my Sweety.

Yours and Truly Yours

Krishan

God Bless You

Postcard from Australia - 1

2008-06-08T20:35:00.002+05:30

Melbourne, Australia, 21:54

My sweetheart.. this is my first letter from the land which is so far from where I truly belong: the land where you walk every day and the land where air around me was filled with the fragrance of your body.

I arrived here on 25th of May after a gruelling journey of 13 hours. The journey could have been plesant if only you were there by my side. I could not help thinking about you during the whole trip. Everywhere I saw, I saw your visage. I looked outside the window and could see the clear blue ocean below. The vastness and the serenity of the ocean was haunting. So much peace with itself that it reminded me of the fragility of my life. I thought how small is our life and so little time we have, to do everything. And yet, and yet my sweetheart, we spend our life fretting about things which can never be end in itslef. If you did not get my point, and chances are that you haven't because of my amateruish tendencies to be poetic, I here refer to money. I have left you and my family back there and have come to this foreign land just to earn money so that we can buy happiness in future. What gives me an excruciating pain is that why can't we have that happiness now, by being closer to each other and caring less about money. What can be an end in itslef is love my sweetheart and not any of the materialistic manifestations of human desire.

"You shall love others as you loveth me because the path of love is the only path to me": Psalm 001

After getting out of airport, I hired a taxi and reached my hotel which is near to our office. I could not sleep properly and was very exhausted:partially because of my journey and partially beacause of state of my mind. The very next day, I left for the office for which I have to board a train which takes around 10 minutes to reach the place where my office is located. From the station it is five minute walk. As I walk towards the office, I can see the tall buildings around me. Believe me, they are majestic. The roads are clean and people follow traffice rules religiously (but not as strictly as what I saw in UK). The people here seems friendly and affable. Today we were searching for the real estate agent's office and we got lost. I asked one guy.. "execuse me Sir, would you know where this address is?". He said, "I dont know but I will help you by looking on internet in my office". He threw away his half burntciggarette and escorted us to his office where he checked on internet and gave us the correct address (we reached the place using this address). Finally, he came out and bid us good bye at the lift by saying "You guys have a great day". That was so amazing, isn't it my sweetheart. He was very very fat and had difficulties walking, but he made so much effort for us was totally incredible.

You know what,my initial thoughts were that this guy is going to molest both of us because he was very very huge and it is not common for people just to go out of their way to help others. I was a bit skeptical and when we reached office it was totally empty; I got worried but from somewhere a guy came and then I was relieved. The fat guy was a real gem and not a sexually disoriented man.

Till now, my experience with this country is good. I will be writing to you evry now and then because I can't share my musings with anyone other than you. Who, if not you can understand me. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself.

I will be writing because if my words can find a place in your memories, I will know that my words have served me well.

I love you sweetheart

Yours' and Truly yours'

Krishan

God Bless You

FTV Calling :-) .... Making of a Model

2007-03-04T10:45:00.000+05:30

I was getting bored. Took out my DMC-FZ5 and did a photo op for myself :)) Now I am looking for an advertising firm which can afford me (either way ;-) )

If you plan to capture yourself in mirror, make sure it's clean (mine was not)

Kris

The Saturday Lunar Eclipse in Bangalore

2007-03-04T10:01:00.000+05:30

We captured the spirit of Lunar eclipse in Bangalore using my DMC-FZ5... did we ?? you tell me...

Kris

Birthday Note I wrote

2007-02-08T19:01:00.000+05:30

You are so special that I can spend this Life Waiting for and
when I Die the memories of the time spent Remembering you
will make this Life worth Living For

This is just for You !

Kris

Agile Methodology For GMAT Prep

2007-01-26T14:18:00.000+05:30

Kris

You are Welcome Sir

2006-12-02T10:56:00.000+05:30

After coming from UK I have become very concious of the transactions I do in my life, everyday;transaction with the lady(I prefer sitting next to ladies in bus ;-) coz most of em don't smell)when I choose the seat next to her;transaction with the guard (at the Infy gate) everyday when he checks my bag if I am bringing/carrying anything prohibited in/out of the premises; transaction with the Coffee Day guy who serves me every morning.

So, what is common about these transacrtions; I always say "please" before the transaction begins and "Thank You" when it ends.

For e.g, when I am the counter to order the coffee, I would say

"can I have a cappuccion please"

When I have it, I would say

"Thank You"

This is one thing I picked from my trip to UK;respecting people irrespective of their designation

Today morning (yeah, I am in office on Saturday..so what) when I said "Thank You", the Cafe Day guy responded with a big

"YOU ARE WELCOME SIR" instead of business as usual "welcome sir". Perfect. I like it this way. I guess Cafe Day people are laerning minor nuances of customer delight. I was so happy that I gave then the money I owed them for a breakfast (44 bucks) which they had forgotten :)). So...You see...one stand only to gain if his/her focus is customer satisfaction.

Please Donate (Click Me)

2006-11-04T11:57:00.000+05:30

Can I request you to donate a fraction of your salary to charity? I guess, I can.

I came across this charity i.e. Room to Read (RTR) while reading the book:

"Leaving Microsoft to Change the World"... by John Woods,

He is doing a great cause to Humanity by building schools and libraries in developing countries like Nepal, Vietnam, Cambodia, India.

The least we can do to help in this noble cause is to visit

http://www.roomtoread.org/involvement/donate.html

and donate some money, if not packing our bags and joining his organization.

Please don't think that what you can donate won't make any difference because if you have teh luxury of reading my post on internet, you can definitely donate, that will make a difference.

Thank You, Very Much.

Book Recommended by Kris

2006-11-04T11:43:00.000+05:30

If you are looking for which book to grab next, here it is

"Everyone Else Must Fail"...The Unvarnished Truth about Oracle and Larry Ellision by Karen Southwick

It is fast paced, entertaining, Insightful and INSPIRING !!

What to do with my life

2006-09-30T15:35:00.000+05:30

Here I am , sitting on the sea shore in MahabaliPuram (India)...looking at the waves and trying to think...NOTHING. Away from the noises echoing in my head...be some thing... be positive...invest here..call her...finish this...mail this and blah...blah...

Today, I was reading an article on "Fast Company" website about what to do with the thing we call life as I typed "I dont know what to do with my life" on google.

After reading it and reading n comments on the topic, I still don't know where to start. Immediately after reading the article, I left my cubicle and headed towards the bus hoping that I will think of something in the bus, enroute to my flat. Damn, I missed the bus and now back in the cubicle.

So, if you have read so far, do you have any idea what you should be doing with the life. If you know, can ypu plz help me figuring this out. I know that I don't like slogging in office for late hours to complete another piece of code but I don't know what I would love to do. I am a bit into writing, trying my hands on a book. I wrote the preface and that's it. It's lying in my laptop for last 2 weeks. It's not that am a lazy bum, but it's hard to power your laptop at 2:00 hrs in the night after a gruelling day (and most of night) at office.

Right now, I have a vagueidea of some thing I would love to do...

1) Research in Economics (sth like PHD)
2) MBA (the default option for any software engineer like me)
3) become a professional writer (depending on the sales of my first book..which is lying in my laptop)

but... I am not sure that even if I become any thing like above... I will be happy...

Is there a way out of it ??? let me know, if you know...

Trip to Bandipur National Forest

2006-08-26T09:57:00.000+05:30

Trip was cool..staying one day away from hustle and bustle of Bangalore city came as a big reliever...

"Kris" is going to US

2006-08-19T11:24:00.000+05:30

she is going to US. She was my PC mate during training days. We had a great time together and not so great time also. She used to do most of the stuff while I was fag'ing with my frens and I would just copy and paste. Even my daily activity reports were exact replica of that of her's. She never complained about it. She would send me messages listing harmful effects of smoking :-)

we played golf together..I tried training him but she gave up and sat there watching me (not that I am an expert but can put ball in the hole from 5 meters or so:)..

17th August was my Birthday, she did not call me. On 18th, she called me at my desk and we met at the cafe day where we had our first cappuccino and she told me "she is going to US for doing her MS". I could not believe it. We talked for a while...finished our cappuccino and moved towards my building. She asked me not to work so hard :) and keep in touch. I took her hands in mine...looked in her eyes...and said "take care and do mail me"... and then we parted...I didn't turn back to see and I believe even she didn't ...

I told her...how dramatic it is....we meet people whom we cherish so much and then suddenly we have to take different paths in our life... with rare chances to meet again...but life goes on

Bye Kris...and best of luck for a great life ahead...

My Cambridge Trip

2006-07-28T20:15:00.000+05:30

We guys enjoying sun after gulping tons of beer

Loving her ...

2006-05-04T15:36:00.000+05:30

its so hard to forget her. She just keeps coming back to me every now and then.My heart still races at the mere thought of her.I kind of convinced myself that we are through now and chances are rare that we would ever meet again..ever !!But again, I can see her face in my eyes (I am not sure if its in my eyes or my head), that puts a smile on my face and just then, the thought of losing her looms over and brings an excruciating pain that lacerates each part of my body and soul.

This sine curve of happiness and pain has become a common theme in my life...in whatever I do.Sometimes I think..enough of it now and I should manipulate myslef in believing that I made a wrong choice..but that won't be fair because I know she is teh best thing that has happened to me.I can't lie to my heart.

I guess that's teh price I am paying for loving some one...some one so special that sometimes I find joy even in the excruciating pain that her memory induces.

I think I can never forget her and would linger with her face in my memories..and I know...she is worth it.

Kris

Forgiveness

2006-04-19T20:43:00.000+05:30

It doesnt matter how hard I try
I always have you... in my eyes
I try... to remember you never
but seems.. love for you is forever

my little heart still beats your name
many times I tried to stop this game
It feels that It gonna never stop
pain of your absence...only I have got

life is a journey and we need a mate but there are few lucky ones who get a chance to traverse this journey with some one they love and the unlucky ones have to sing a song something like above.Then ensues pain and remorse on everything that went wrong and could have been avoided if..if only one of us had forgiven the other.It happens...but happens rarely.

True love is in forgiveness.That will make this journey what we call as life,a pleasurable one.

Kris

Dealing with Problems

2006-03-10T17:37:00.000+05:30

when you are confronted with a problem, be in your professional life or your personal life, don't panic. Let me explain what happens when you panic.

Let's say you have a problem. You panic and the first response is to get out of the problem situation as soon as possible. You run your horses and sooner or later you come up with a solution.You pick up this first solution even though this might not be the best solution possible. You continue this habit of panicking and in process picking the first avaialable solution and this ultimately leads of sub optimal level of thinking and living.

Here's how you can avoid it.

When you are faced with a problem, write it down on a paper thus giving it a shape on which you can reflect upon.This will help you to focus on the problem. Now accept that here is a situation which can be made better by your inputs.This will give you a sense of detachment from teh problem situation which will help you dealing with in an objective way.Think for the solution now. You get the first possible solution. Write it down. Now, try to look at the problem from a different perspective. For example you can change the perspective of the problem by looking at it from a time in future(what can be the impact of this problem in future) or a time in past (what is teh root cause of this problem). You can have multiple perspectives depending on how creative you can be.You can pick some good book to work on your creativity that will go a long way in helping you to deal with problems. Now you come up with a different solution in this different perspective. Note it down. This way you can have as many solutions as many perspectives you can have about the problem.

let's say you have solution 1 , solution 2 , solution 3

Now it's as simple as picking the best of these...or is it?

I suggest, to pick the best solution use this principle: KISS

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - Erma Bombeck

2006-03-03T19:52:00.000+05:30

This was created by Erma Bombeck after she found out she was dying from cancer.Posting it on my blog wishing to spread her message of savoring every moment of our life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in Storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realised that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.

Search for the soulmate...Maya

2006-02-27T15:25:00.000+05:30

Maya is her name. She was walking before me. She was wearing a yellow top and blue jeans.She was walking in the middle of the road oblivious of the surroundings and looking just straight.It appeared to me that she was sad...probably another heart broken in the saga of love.She was carrying a small bag on her shoulders which appeared to had a few books in it.Some thing was there which made me follow the girl without any rational behind it. It felt that nothing else in this world was as important as following this girl. There was no need to hurry up to catch up with her, just keep following her...my heart said.We walked for few minutes or we walked for few hours...I dont remember but I followed. Suddenly I realised that why don't I speed up and reach the girl and introduce myself to her.I sped up my steps and even ran for a while. The distance between us reduced but I neve reach close enough. I shouted...'Maya'. She could not hear or she pretended not to.A U turn came and she turned never to appear again. I tried hard to locate her.Checked with the group of boys standing next to the road, enquired with the people in the nearby village but to no avail.She was gone.I dont rememebr for how long I was bewildered...but there was no end to it untill....my dream was broken.

I got up and tried hard to recall the gal I saw in dream...Maya. I don't know how do I know here name but I knew right from the start that her name was Maya.

May be it's a precursor to the Maya I will be meeting in my life. I will make sure that I go and meet her before the U-Turn happens.

Kris

The Last Night

2006-02-27T15:24:00.000+05:30

touch me tonight let me feel you
for tomorrow you wont be here
tonight I will sing for the laugh
and tomorrow sing for the tears

hug me tonight let me feel you
for tomorrow you wont be here
tonight I sleep in your arms
and tomorrow dreams of despair

kiss me tonight let me feel you
for tomorrow you wont be here
tonight I live my life for you
and tomorrow it wont be there

Kris

Psychoanalysis using Socratic approach

2006-02-08T13:52:00.000+05:30

It was a bad day for me in the office.Some heated mail exchange, server crashing, meetings with no outcome and this was enough to spoil my sense of well being. I was generally sombre through out the day without realising. By the time I got down from the bus that sense of melancholy had completely taken over me though I was aware that I was being irrational surrendering to this kind of feeling.

So, I decided to do a self Psychoanalysis using Socrates method of asking questions to determine the root cause of teh problem. I took out my pen and copy instead of laptop because I did not want to post it on my blog. But, after I was done I realised teh exercise was very helpful in relieving me of that feeling of melancholy and can be used by others as well.So, here is teh monologue which I had with my mind. My rational mind is asking the questions and I am trying to answer

Question: Why do You falter
Answer : I try to be perfect

Question: Are you a perfect being in all respects
Answer: No, I don't think so

Question: Why do you want to be perfect
Answer: To impress people

Question: What will you get by impressing others
Answer: Satisfaction; that I am good

Question: What is 'Good' here
Answer: My sense of self worth

Question: Do you rely on other's judgement for your sense of self worth
Answer: My answer above implies so, isn't it

Question: Do you know there will be many who will disagree with you. Infact the number will be much higher than those who will agree.
Answer: I agree

Question: Is it correct to depend on others when it will surely decrease your sense of self worth
Answer: No

Question: Does it make 'trying to be perfect' a not so useful venture
Answer: I think so

Question: What if you are not perfect
Answer: People may not like me

Question: Does it matters what they think about you.
Answer: I do care and that makes me set exacting standards in whatever I do, which exhausts me.

Question: Did people help when you were getting poor marks in school
Answer: No

Question: Who helped
Answer: Myself

Question: Did people help when you were not selected in your first job interview
Answer: No

Question: Who helped in getting through the next
Answer: Myself

Question: Did people help when you were sad for no reason
Answer: No

Question: Who helped
Answer: Myself. I read books on psychology and philosophy to understand my behavior

Question: Do people help you with everyday problems
Answer: No

Question: Who helps
Answer: Myself

Question: Will people matter when you see your life in retrospect
Answer: Not many

Question: Who will matter the most
Answer: Myself

Question: Does it make sense to lay importance to what people think about you, then
Answer: No

Question: Isn't your quest for perfection a cause of dis-ease
Answer: I think so

The monologue stopped here and by this time I felt very light.

The inference is that you need not be perfect. You can make as many mistakes as you can. Don't restrict yourself from trying out new things in order to avoid making mistakes.People may not agree with you everytime but you should accept them as they are, without judging them.Don't try to change them.

Allow yourself to be weak. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to be hurted. Allow yourself to be loved. Most importantly allow yourself to accept things as they are.

When you have spent considerable time like this, your quest for perfection will be satisfied.

"The mantra to perfection is to stop trying to be perfect"

The above approach of self Psychoanalysis worked for me and it might work for you also. You need to be very honest if you really want to benefit from it.

Kris

Keep Walking and You will be There

2006-02-08T13:50:00.000+05:30

when the sun is gushing heat storm
roads are dirty and shades nowhere
every single step of yours takes its toll
keep walking and you will be there

when it gets dark and wind is chlling
difficult to see and in dark you stare
every breath of yours takes its toll
keep walking and you will be there

when its get too cozy to get moving
your mind proclaims no to go anywhere
every intention of yours takes its toll
keep walking and you will be there

keep walking my fren and you will reach your destination

Kris

Conversation with God

2006-01-23T14:06:00.000+05:30

There lived a guy named Kris. He had dreams. Many dreams and he sincerely wanted to realize them one day. Everyday his life was marked by a longing ness. A longingness for fame, love, money. Basically what he wanted was to be happy in every moment of the life which was a journey, a journey for self actualization and self transcendence. What he didn't realize was that these things could not make him happy unless he wanted to do so. Unless he wanted to be happy. He kept living in future and forgetting his present just in the hope of making a better present by constantly being obsessed with future. Days passed by and he didn’t live in present. He died one day with all those dreams unfulfilled. His soul went upstairs where he met god. He had a conversation with god

god: come my son, how do you feel being in kingdom of heaven

kris: god, I want to go back..please...please god.... let me back

god: son, chill out (ha ha ha.. this is me laughing not god)

kris: god, I am just 28 years old,I have dreams to realise, my wife who loves me...my family which cares for me..my frens who need me. I want to see them again

god: what is more important my son.. dreams on one hand or your wife, family, frens on the other hand

kris: hmmmmm.....hmmm....hmmmmmm

god: son, you spent all your days thinking about your dream. you were trying to live your future in present. In teh process you neglected your present and you neglected your wife, your family and your frens. Even if I let you back you will again lead the same life clinging to ephemeral things like name, money.

kris: But I want to be someone like Alexander the Great, who conquered the world to realise his dreams

god: How many times you think of Alexander my son, when you need some one to talk..when you feel lonely...when you need a shoulder to cry

kris: I rely on my wife, my family, my frens

god: who is more important in your life..one who is with you when you feel on top of the world or one who stands by your side when you are at the rock bottom

kris: But Alexander is my source of Inspiration, he is my ideal. Is it wrong to have someone like him who encourages me to give my best.

god: no

kris: Then why I am given an option between dreams and my wife, family and frens

god: I did not give any option. I just asked a question whoch is more important to you so that you can introspect yourself and realise that both of them are needed. you can't ignore any of them. But this is what you did. you ignored your life in present, you ignored your relationships...for the sake of dreams ..an obnoxious dream.

kris: oh no..... tears rolling over kris's eyes....God I wanted to be happy..I wanted to be successful..I wanted....

god: son, when you want something you indicate to universe that you lack that and universe manifests what you percieve.

kris: god..still crying... what should I do

god: don't want to be happy..be happy...don't want to be successful..be successful..don't try to be others..be yourself...don't try to be future..be the present...don't try to be Alexander the great...be Alexander the Great

kris: do you mean i can go back to earth

god: I am giving you one more chance to live your life again...one more time

kris: but why me??

god: because you have not met your destiny my son..you are a special son of mine...you are indeed as great as Alexander the Great..you are yet to do that which is needed to make this world a better place...go and live in present..live each moment fully and you will realise your dreams..trust me.

kris: now he is crying profusely and says..God... I will live each day as if this is first and the last one...I will see the stars as if I am seeing them for the first and teh last time..I will breath as if this is my first and last breath...I will embrace my people as if I am embracing for the first and last time....I will live each moment as if this one is the first and teh last.....

god: embracing kris...son you are indeed special..go and live your life ( now I can feel a small tear in my eyes trying to make its way out)..and remember at the end of your life..you are the one whose viewpoint about you will matter and not other's...you deserve to love and be loved.

kris: getting down the stair case..god..it was nice meeting you

god: good bye my son... next time you come here..I will see you laughing..a man who lived the life in a way that deserves a place in history next to where there is an account of life of Alexander the Great.

kris get's a second chance to live..Hurrah...he is back. He is back to live in the present..a present from god to us.Live it !!

Kris

Saturday Morning

2006-01-23T14:04:00.000+05:30

Its a saturday morning..a beautiful morning coz I had a beautiful night and now I am sitting at my window with coffee and my laptop playing hindi songs.WInd blowin outside is cold and refreshing. Its a perfect condition to write about something perfect and what can be more perfect than people.Here I go:

It's a innate feeling in us to be loved, to be cared for but how easily we deny these rights to others.Not often, we go out of our way to help others, not many times we appraoch strangers and talk to them, not many times we wish people "have a great day sir/mam", not many times we open the door to the old lady so that she moves first.

Last night in the pub I met Mo 31 (I dont remember the full name), Andy 40 and two ladies...Tanya and Lisa (you are not supposed to know a gal's age).Gals staying with their boy frens not married but, Mo staying with his gal fren for 13 years having one child, but not married and Andy married twice.I was with my fren. We had a great conversation. It is rare to find people like this with whom you can talk stuff like this when everyone seems to be in hurry running after something. An excerpt is given below

By this time ladies were not in and we were four guys sitting and gulping beer one after another and smoking our heart out

Mo: we are like brothers. Every one has the same basic needs

Andy: Yeah..everyone wants the same thing, I guess

me: everyone wants to be happy

Andy: yes..everyone wants to be happy.

me: I think people need leaders to show them the correct way, path of love and freedom

Mo: I dont thnk that way, we can do without leaders. I give you some wisdom..you pass it on to the next guy..he passes it on and there we go. We don't need leaders.(during this the Andy was supporting me)

Mo: I don't favor religions but I worship people. I love meeting people like you..you and you (we were three so 3 you's). Religions can distort your perception of what is right and what is wrong.

me: I don't think that way. Religions are guidelines for people to act with faith. All the religions in the world have the same core values. It's we who have different perception of those core values.

me: Mo, how can you be happy

Mo: by living my dreams. I am living it.

We still had discussions about many othr things like gals (obviously), sex, work, money. I will keep it short so that you don't run away from my page in hurry.

By this time, Lisa and Tanya are sitting on the other side of the room. Mo was teh first one to approach them and initiated talks by offering them drink. Lisa came and invited we guys (me and my frens) to their seat. We talked for a while when Mo and Andy left from there and now there were again 4 players. Tanya, Lisa, Lancy (my fren) and Kris (i.e. me)

We generally talked about how sleepy was this town and our jobs.Lancy was initiating talks with Lisa but she responded everything by looking at me. Ha ha ha....Lany got pissed off and asked me to move to Tanya.So I moved and sat in front of Tanya to complete the circle which was a staright line till now. We talked for long about very generic stuff like people, place,london and all. Some of it, I can recall, went like this

me:Tanya, where are you working

Tanya: I am taking behavior classes for kids.

me: so, you are a teacher

Tanya: No... I am not a Teacher...laughing out loud

me: It must be fun

Tanya: yeah..it is...sometimes it gets difficult to manage them...kids punching each other and I have to step in getting hit some times...here goes her beautiful laugh again

me: are you married (I know the social convention..never ask this question to a gal. It can turn them off. But it came as a genuine question from sth she said)

Tanya: No, I don't believe in marriage. You love some one only to see him gone one day.

me: Or you might leave him also..right??

Tanya: No, I am not of that kind. Doing it just for sex. I don't believe in this. I am happy like this.

me: but don't you think you will need some one by your side whom you can trust..whom you can rely upon when you need them.

Tanya: we will see.

by this time, Lancy is talking to Lisa..what??..I don't know. Tanya excused herself to use teh restroom and I initiated talk with Lisa.

me: Lisa..did anyone tell you that you are very beautiful (she is indeed gorgeous)

Lisa: Hmmm...no I don't think so

me: you are gorgeous

Lisa: A beautiful smile embraced her face that added to her divine charm

By this time, Tanya is back and they make a move getting late.We exchanged the parting kiss (2 X 2= 4 exchanges). While Lisa was leaving I said

"Hey Lisa, you are indeed very beautiful"..ha ha ha ha (I guess, drinks had the better part of mine). She laughed out loud and our parting kiss was a bit longer..a bit. We exchanged smiles again when they were on the raod, on the other side of the window and they were gone.

Pub, me and Lancy. Ok dude..enough wisdom for the day..gotta make a move now.We reached my flat..I took off my shoes and my jumper and lied on bed because I was not ina condition to take anything else off...totally inebriated.

Lesson is...go and talk to some stranger today..(preferably of opposite sex...ha ha ha)

Kris

A Time Comes

2006-01-17T16:29:00.000+05:30

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world here aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You l earn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK... and that it Is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. And in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve, and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in Its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment
must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you
and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author unknown

picked from livingthepresent.com

May I Help You...Sir

2006-01-16T12:56:00.000+05:30

I happened to be at the public library of Ipswich checking out my books at the self check out/check in console.Meanwhile a man of age almost 60 came and stood next to me staring at the other console.It did not take much time for me to realise that this man is struggling to understand the usage information displayed on the console.I recalled my last visit when I was there staring at the console...helpless while the guy next to me was checking out books after books.Finally I asked that guy..can you please help me with this machine and he showed my how to do it.Now I was in a postion to help a bewildered soul in that public library.Something in me provoked me to help this guy without him asking. This is how I our conversation went:

me: May I help you Sir

man: Ha ha ha...Oh..please..first time I am using this machine

me: no problem...can I have your library card

man: oh sure...(giving his card to me)

me: you press 1 which means you want to check out the book and then you keep this card with barcode intercepting the red ray.
It checks if teh card is ok. Ah....the card is ok. Can I have the book please.

man: oh...(ruffling his jacket)....here it is (giving the book to me)

me: Now you keep the book such a way the barcode on it intercepts the red ray. Now it takes some time to read the info..ah..its fine...you will get teh reciept now..

man: oh...teh reciept

me: (by this time the reciept comes out..I take it off and give it to him) ..here you go Sir

man: Thank you....ha ha ha

me: no problem..Sir

During this whole conversation I was excited like a kid in school who knows no bound in telling his dad how he solved the particular maths problem which dad could not.

I came out of the library reflecting on the whole event..why I was so excited to help that man whom I had never met and may be I would never see him again (even though he seemed to be a local resident).

May be because it's our innate nature to serve others.No doubt, if such a simple event can give me a sense of worth I wonder how it would be if I dedicate my life in serving others.What pleasure it would be to know that you are making difference to other's life.I wonder.....

Kris

Kya yehi Pyaar hai (Is this Love)

2006-01-11T14:56:00.000+05:30

As soon as I get up in the morning, I check my cell if it has "1 message recieved", by any chance

Next thing in morning, I see the watch to know what time it's in India and where would she be..in office or in home

When in office I get free time, I type her name in google within " " trying to find anything associated with her

While returning from office, in the bus, I open the Inbox folder in my cell and read her old messages

I want to be alone and when I am alone I long to be with her

When I am sitting with my frens in the pub, gulping beer, I am oblivious of the discussion and thinking about her

The most recently used files in my laptop are careless whisper.mp3 and november rain.mp3

I type the message on my cell and then erase it

When I go to bed in night I remember to keep my cell next to me.

Agar ye pyaar hai (if this is love)....then... thanks god...I am out of it.

Update as on 16th Jan 2006: Not yet..I guess

Kris

Are we mere Chemicals

2006-01-11T14:54:00.000+05:30

Did you ever ask..What am I instead of who am I. Objectively, we are a mass of chemicals and our experiences made of interaction between these chemicals. For e.g. here is a detailed analysis of what happens when you touch something hot (mind it..hot in objective sense !!)

1) You touch the hot object
2) The receptor cells on your skin get the information that the object is hot
3) The receptor cells transfer this information to axon part of 1st neuron which is carried to the dendrite part of this neuron
4) The dendrite part of the 1st neuron transfers this information to the axon part of 2nd neuron and so on untill the message reaches brain
5) The boss (i.e. brain) analyzes the information and decides that you should take off your hand from the hot object
6) Brain sends the message through motor neurons that control your muscular motion
7) You take the hand off the hot object

So, touching and taking your hands off which takes fraction of a second involves 7 steps. I have tried best to recall my memory about working of brain.Please correct me if you think there is something wrong above.

You see, there is nothing abstract out there..everything chemical and exchanges between chemicals. Or is there something abstract?

There is. Read the step 5 again. The brain analyzes the information that is originated when you touched the hot stuff. There is something hidden here.
Brain is again a set of chemicals and how can chemicals make a subjective decision like whether the object is hot or not.For e.g a object which is hot for you and forces you to take off hands may not force me to take my hands off as quickly as yours. If it were a mere chemical phenomena then we should experience the exact outcome (because we are made of same chemical stuff) i.e. taking our hands off within the same time.The degree of hotness of teh object has a subjectivity associated with it and which can not be due to just chemicals. This is what we define as mind or self and it is not chemical but something else. This something else has been a subject of study in Psychology and many other branchs of science.

So now when we know that we are not mere chemicals, then what are we? The question remains unanswered.

My next post would try to explain the answer.

Till then... "Live today as if you will not be there tomorrow"

Kris

"If" by Rudyard Kipling

2006-01-09T22:29:00.000+05:30

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master,
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Story of a Software Engineer i.e. Me

2006-01-04T15:44:00.000+05:30

When I was in std X I opte for Maths because Biology was either for gals or guys who were considered not intelligent enough or those who wanted to play safe by opting both them.What if I don't become a engineer, I will become a doctor and vice versa. I was among the toppers (ahem !!) so the obvious choice was Maths.

So, the seeds of being a enginner were planted in me when I was in Xth.Then started the dream phase for me. Dream of getting into IIT and then moving to US earning $$'s. The condition was such that I used to debate with my frens whether I should marry an american babe or not.The D day arrived when I wrote the IIT exam. Most of the time during the exam I was looking outside the window where there was a monkey jumping across the rails at the nearby railway station and thinking what will happen if the train arrives.Will he die oblivious of the impending danger or will he jump away recognising the danger.If later is the case, how will he recognises that the train can kill him.Weired stuff !!..yeah..I know.That's why I studied psychology in detail after becoming a software engineer when I could afford those expensive books.This was not to learn what teh monkey would do, but I had a general interest in understanding why people act as they do.

Obviously, I did not make it to IIT (the monkey was responsible for it !!). I had to settle with one of the state colleges and which stream I opted for. Obviously, computer science as the software engineeres were the people who were bagging lucrative jobs. Also because my uncle's son was a computer engineer. How could I stay behind.

I got into the final year. A few companies came for the placement and I could not make it to the one which could take an average guy like me. Sadly the topper of the school turned out to be an average guy in the college. I had other important tasks at my disposal other than studying.

College over.Now what ? I am sitting in home playing video games.My bro asked me to go to Bangalore. Believe me this was the mantra for any one aspiring to be an engineer.Luckily or unluckily I got a call from trivandrum and there began my journey to South India.I was surprised when I was one of those 2200 odd aspirants who could make it to a vacancy for 18.It was a small company and I was the only north Indian out there. I was taken care of because I had travelled 3000 km for the job and also beacuse the CEO believed in the dream which I shared with him during the interview, of making this company,a fortune 500 company !! I learned from jack Welch (ex CEO of GE) to dream big no matter where you are.
(It was a walkin !!. Walkin must be the most frequently used term by a guy who is out of college and searching for job in India).

So, I was a software engineer finally.

You see, I never had to make choices and everything was laid out for me. Believe me this is a typical story of every boy from middle class family in India.

Now I realise that those choices were not best for me and I would have rather opted for becoming an economist or a psychologist rather than becoming an engineer, only if I was aware of the options and what they had in store for me.Trust me, if you say to your parents or frens that you want to be a psychologist/economist, they would make best efforts to convince that you are crazy or you won't be taken seriously.Sad...

Atleast,I would make my kid(I am old enough to think about my kid..I guess) aware of all the options which I was not, so that he does not blames me when he grows up and becomes another software engineer.

"with awareness comes options and with options we can take the right action"
(Robin Sharma)

Kris

Book of the Month: "Man's Search for Meaning"

2005-12-30T16:37:00.000+05:30

Two days back I happened to read the book "Man's search for meaning" by Victor Frankl.This book is an account of Victor Frankl's incarceration in concentration camp during world war II.

If I were to describe the book in one sentence it would be

"No matter how trying the external conditions are, a man has always the freedom to shape his attitude"

My favorite lines from the book are
"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how"

"Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible"

"Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of. And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake"

"Live as if you already have lived once and make a move knowing that you already have done this mistake in the past" (I don't remember the exact wordings)

The book is a must read for anyone who is trying to understand the very reason for his/her existence.The language of the book is lucid. You don't need any prior knowledge to grasp the essence of the book.

One thing I was perplexed with after reading the book was why the book is not named "Women's search for Meaning" or "Human Being's search for Meaning" because the principles of the book are equally valid to both the sexes. May be because Victor Frankl himself was a Man and he could relate his experiences in a better way with this title.Anyway...by no means, this diminshes the value of the book.

Kris

365 days of Blogging

2005-12-16T16:07:00.001+05:30

Today I complete 1 year of blogging. My first post was on 16th of december 2004 and that I did from the office. In fact all my posts have been from my workplace because I never had net@home.

My blog has been a representation of my life during this period. I started blogging at the time when I was exploring the hidden spiritual agent in me and I wanted to share my experiences with people with similar inclination.I wrote poems all of which had a tinge of sadness in them based on loss, confusion, darkness.As per the plan, my blog was to be a forum where people could disucss life but it turned out to be a canvas for me where I kept experimenting with my poetic instincts.I used to believe that teh sad poems are the real creations of mine because most of teh people are sad with some aspects of their life and they would be able to identify themselves with my poems.So, you see, my intentions were good afterall.

So...overall it has been a great experience blogging and I would keep doing it.

Kris

Tu hai mere liye

2005-12-12T15:31:00.000+05:30

This is my first attempt at Hindi poetry, though written in english.

wo mulaqat ek sapna to nahi tha
pa ke kho diya jo mera apna tha
pata nahi ki tu phir mile na mile
tu jise pa ke sabko bhula diya tha

raaste bahut se hai meri jindagi me
us pe chalna nahi jis pe tu na mile
sab kuch mil bhi gaya to kya hua
maksad pura na hua agar tu na mile

tere intezaar me lamhe guzarta hu mai
tu sayad aegi bas yahi sochta hu mai
kabhi to tujhe lage ki tu hai mere liye
isi ummed me jindagi guzaarta hu mai

wo kuch lamhe jo tere saath guzaare the
guzar gaye par gujari nahi unki yaaden
koshish to bahut ki.... ki bhula du unhe
bhula na paya jiske liye sabko bhula diya tha

Kris

"Aloo Matar ki sabji" for dummies

2005-12-05T15:03:00.000+05:30

This post comes because I am very happy today.Today is teh day when Kris learned how to cook Aloo matar ki sabji.One of the many milestones I have reached after coming to UK.Trust me.So for sake of teh humanity which is trapped like me in foreign land and struggling with how to cook a better food, here I present "Aloo matar ki sabji for dummies"
Ingredients required:
1) 4 Aloo (for 3 guys. Extrapolate or intrapolate as per your need)
2) 1 Pyaaz
3) 1 bada Tamatar
4) Bahut sara Matar (of course idiot, we are making aloo matar ki sabji)
Atleast I am better than the chefs on TV who tell you to measure everything in grams.How stupid..isn't it.Am I sitting with a balance in my hand so that I can measure the weight !! Ok..let's continue
5)1 Chammach (irrespective of size) ginger paste
6)1 Chammach (irrespective of size) garlic paste
7)1 Chammach (irrespective of size) chilli paste
8)1/2 Chammach(irrespective of size) Haldi powder
9)1/2 Chammach(irrespective of size) Garam Masala
10)Refined oil (as per the size of teh frying pan and your health)
That is all you need to cook a superb dinner. Here we go
steps to cook teh sabji
a)Aloo ke chotte chotte tukde kar le aur unhe dho le paani se. Uske baad unhe cooking vessel me dal de.Ab vessel ko side me rakh de (we ll come back...have patience). We have to make the masala first.Masala reminds me of the movie I saw today.."garam Masala"..watchable.Anyways..
b)Tamatar aur Pyaaz ko mahin kaat le..I mean chotte chotte tukde
c) Put (b) + (4) + (5) + (6) + (7) + (8) + (9) + (10) in the frying pan.Make sure that the frying pan is hot. I mean gas on honi chahiye beta.
c)Keep stirring the mixture (c) above until pyaaz turns reddish. Make sure that you take pyaaz as the benchmark in deciding whether the masala is prepared.Jab pyaaz lal ho jae to gas off kar de.Finally you will get a paste kind of thing with matar in between.Matar thore se jal jae to ghabrayee nahi.It's all part of the game.
d)Ab aloo ki baari. Aloo walle bartan me itna hi paani daale ki aloo ke saare tukde pani ke andar ho.Ab gas on kar de.
e) Jab (d) starts boiling then put the paste as in (c) in the vessel.
f)Now you are done with everything you could do to make a good sabji. Ab sab upar waale ke haath me hai.
Now the difficult part is how to make sure that ki sabji ban gayee hai.Do tareeke hai
1)Har thori der me bartan me se ek aloo ka tukda le aur use knife se kaat ke dekhe. Agar wo araam se kat jaata hai to iske matlab sabji khaane layak ho gayee hai.Nahi to leave it for some more time and keep repeating the step until you are sure that ki sabji wakai ban gayee hai.
2)Agar jalne ki badboo ane lage to ghabrayee nahi..it's just an indicator that sabji acchi tarah se ban gayee hai.Gas turant band kar de.
Above two are teh benchmarks to determine the completion of the procedure..whichever happens first
Ab ap sabji kha sakte hai..either with rice or chapati or whatever..no restrictions..you know

To aise hi banai jaati hai aloo matar ki sabji..Hai na asaan.I know you wont believe before you give it a shot.To aj hi jae aur apne ghar waalo ko, ya apne dosto ko, ya apne bf/gf pe experiment kare..I mean bana ke khilae..they will be very happy (I hope so)
Mujhe maloom hai ki you want me to explain how to cook other stuff also, but you have to wait.I will be back with my next post with something exotic (like dal, rice).Tab tak ke liye
Eat healthy..live healthy
disclaimer: Maine jo sabji banai thi mujhe acchi lagi thi..koi guarantee nahi hai ki apko bhi acchi lage.You cook at your own risk.Alvida !!

Kris

Do you have a Dream

2005-12-05T15:02:00.000+05:30

Everyone has dreams. For some they are conscious and for others it's unconscious but a trace of it is in everyone of us...irrespective of sex, religion, nationality.Having dreams and following them are two different things because dream many can, but who follow them and make them reality are few.
It's not that everyone does not want to see their dreams materialising but the truth of the fact is that it is a difficult terrain to walk on.You have all sort of obstacles and the biggest obstacle is your subconcious mind that has been conditioned right from your childhood to follow a pattern.A pattern that gives rise to negative emotions, low self esteem, an enervated belief system, vague logic and so many things that stop us from believeing that we can.

Is there a way out of this self sabotaging pattern?

Yes, there is always a glimmer of hope no matter how dark it is. There are people around who have mastered the art of directing their thought process to achieve their dreams. You can always pick their words and it's not necessary that you follow them verbatim.You listen to them, evaluate the learnings within your framework and apply in life which is best for you.In software engineering it's called customising the solution as per your needs.It's not as easy as it sounds but again who said that life is easy. Then there are plethora of good books in the market.

I am presenting here, my way of making sure that I achieve my dreams. I believe death is one teacher which can cause you to come to the terms.Terms that you are not here for ever and you are always racing against the time. So I took my death as my point of reference and came up with a list of

What will I miss if I die today

1) An education that will be instrumental in realising my dreams (it's MBA for me)
2) A job where I can flourish, a job which pushes me to become a better person
3) Opportunity to sponsors entrapreneurs who have bright ideas but lack of money (giving back to the society)
4) To say to my family, my frens, my teachers that I care for them
5) A feeling of being in true love with someone

So, above 5 points are the guiding principles are in my life. It was easy for me to come up with the above list because I have defined the goals in my life. In fact these are the stepping stones to reach a point where I can say that, Yes !! this is the life I wanted to live.Taking these steps as a benchmark, I evaluate every action of mine if it contributes towards pushing me forward. If it does not, I do change the course of action in order to align it with the flow, a flow towards my dream.I know its difficult to evaluate your each course of action, but that is why I have taken my death as the point of reference which reminds me that time is always running out and I need to work fast and in a diligent way.As and when I achieve any of the steps above, I will put a tick mark against it.That will give me the encouragement to further pursue the difficult terrain, that is life.

You can have a different set of values as guiding principles. But do remeber that

A life with any system of achieving goals or dreams is always better than a life with none.(This I have picked from a seminar)

Good bye for now.

Kris

Good Bye and Best of Luck..Rakesh

2005-11-29T19:15:00.000+05:30

This is a poem dedicated to our frenship Guys and the occasion is Rakesh leaving Infosys to join TCS

Rakesh Jeev kris Vikram Surendra and Ankan
They met together when the Infy Training begun
Some time was spent sitting with the PC mate
Most of the times they were sitting at the gate

Training got over and we moved to project
We got busy and now little time we get
Time to call and time to mail the frens
Its difficult to remember if we met when

Now the mail comes from Rakesh he is leaving
He will be in delhi new threads he will be weaving
I think we all will end up moving further apart
For this is our life and we have to play the part

Best of Luck to Rakesh for his new career
From the guys who were six musketeers
Rakesh Jeev kris Vikram Surendra and Ankan
They met together when the Infy Training begun

Kris

The Constant Gardner versus Shaadi No 1

2005-11-21T15:19:00.000+05:30

The first one is a movie which I saw last saturday. It depicts teh story of a women who wages a lone battle with two pharmaceutical companies which are testing their drugs on the poor people in Africa in the pretext of providing medical care.This helps themn saving million of dollars if teh same check were carreid out in the controlled conditions in the lab. The movie had no special effects..no steamy sex scenes..no spercial star cast..but the movie was a class in itself. The movie was made with a purpose of communicating a message across the strata of people that africa is being fucked by big multinationals to gratify their thirst for money and power.It depicted teh life style of people in Africa,a life which is loomed over by a constant threat of death, either by disease or by natural calamities or by war mongering tribes.

Scene II..Sunday...I am watching a bollywood product..David dhavan direct..Shaadi No. 1...and I have no qualms in saying that I was embarrased when a few foreigners (3 in number) left in between. Two of them were sitting in front of me (the first row) They tried hard to put up with the movie but after a period..it became unbearable..untolerable and they left.This is what we are projecting of India.Movies, of late have become a represenation of socio economic context of teh country and showcases the maturity of the people.The movie had multi star cast..no efforts were spared to showcase the skin.It had a few ambigious dialoges which left public rapture into laughter.These ambigious words are major fun for these guys (and censor board also does not have any problems) but they are a critical taboo in their bare usage.Of late masturbation has been used ambigiously in a few comedy movies (including Shaadi no 1) but the word itself has social/political stigma
associated with it in India.Can I ask..why this hypocrisy??Without digressing from the main stream, I would say that the movie was a complete waste of time and money (2nd being more important).Its high time that bollywood produces kind of movies of international flavor. I bet that it does not need special effects of The Matrix or a cross legged Sharone Stone to make such movies. What is needed is an innovative brain.

I want that when I come out of teh theatre, I should be a better informed person than what I was befor the movie.May be its too much asking from bollywood but slowly that's going to be the criteria for the movie being watched in the coming generations across the continents.It's a sure thing.

Kris

Whether its Love

2005-11-02T14:58:00.000+05:30

we have come so far in this lane of life
I wonder sometimes when I look back now
the journey we started as strangers
but we got close as never to get apart

life moved and along we moved on
many a miles between you and me now
still I think about you and you think me
wonder its love or no love between us

don't know wat I will lose if I lose you
but will get the world if I get you I know
even if we never... ever meet again
please... never..never.. let me forget you

I will have your fond memories with me
memories when it rained and we got wet
memories when the train left and I got sad
memories when you dint call and I got mad

life wont be same without you...I know
but poignant as it is...life has to go on
I will always wish for your love to be mine
but I won't cry if I see it falling apart

you know am writing for you.......I know
you will probably think about me..I know
you will be confused for a while...I know
but will you be my love.......I know not

Kris Quotes

2005-10-24T14:53:00.000+05:30

These are my quotes which will be quoted when I am rich and famous

[Inspiring]

somtimes I wonder if I can be a star like the one in the sky which fascinates people by its glitter despite being so out of reach.

Life is a dream and it depends on how much of it you could realize that how meaningful it was

Life is a lifetime opportunity...live it

People become star on being dead...I want to be...when I am alive...very much alive

You were born not to be dead before being alive and you were not alive if you could not make a page in history book

Life is a little longer than what we think (this one from my fren Varun)

[Love]

You get a missed call when someone is missing you but does not have enough money to tell you

Love comes back to you if you let it go...I did...am still waiting for 4 months...atleast you hold her/him tight

I love you...if you love me

[Marriage]

Marriage is an investment where asset becomes liability on liquidation

(For Layman:Selling gold to get cash is the liquidity of gold)

Marriage is one thing where law of dimnishing marginal utility does not apply

(For people who are not brilliant like me: Law of diminishing maginal utility states that the utility of a commodity decreases as the next unit of the commodity is consumed. For e.g. the second choclate wont give you as much enjoyment as the first one. But a person will always be better off with the second marriage !!)

[Sex]
There is a thin line between sex and rape...that's what I call...living on the edge

[Onsite]

Who said I wanted to be onsite...I just wanted to know the conversion factor between rupee and a pound

[Miscellaneous]

Honesty is the best policy...who approved this policy !!!

A fren in need is a fren indeed...thats why I am always in need

There is a morning after every night...If you dont know this...you are most probably blind

The more you explore any domain the bigger it gets

Lets do a bit for them

2005-10-13T15:04:00.000+05:30

Lets do a bit for them

Pakistan occupied Kashmir is reeling under catastrophy which hit it 5 days back.Its hard to believe this facet of mother nature.Nothing under the sun can justify the extinction of plethora of lives.The childrens are the one who have felt the burn to the maximum intensity.How many of them,sitting in the classroom were aware that this chapter of the book might be the last chapter of their life.None !!.

News channel are constantly showing gruesome images of dead bodies lying unattended.No matter if they could not get the respect they deserved being a human being, their corpse deserves a sacrosanct burial.But who cares about the dead coz the survivors themselves are struggling to be alive.Relief aid is pouring in but with a very localized effect. There are survivors in isolated parts of the valley, cut off from the mainstream land.Nothing to eat, nothing to drink, nothing to wear, nothing to hide the head under.Winters are closing in and that makes the problem worse.Soon, there will be chilly winds blowing across the valley further increasing the death toll, this time with other facet of the mother nature.

Sitting in our rooms with comfort, did we ever try imagining swapping our position with people who are there at mercy of no one.We just watch the news, amazed with the magnanimity of the death toll, then having our dinner and then going to sleep to be awake next morning, oblivious of what is happening out there in the other part of the world.

Why have we become so paranoid, believing that death can never touch us.We have been lucky not to be born in those trying places which have been hit by the quake.But quake is just one facet of nature that can be lethal, there are many, you never know.

Let's empathize with people who are suffering relentlessely and do every bit we can to make their life worth living.

kris

6000 Miles from India..Kris

2005-10-10T14:50:00.000+05:30

My first saturday in UK. How I am feeling....I am missing Vinay,Rohit,Rishi,Neeru,Etho,Chetan,Tarun and the chef Sitaram.Yeah..these guys were my roommates in Bangalore and the last one is the cook who would give special attention to me.Would never ask me to bring vegetables (coz he knew I would not)...would bring the morning tea first in my room...would come and say..."Bhaiyya breakfast ready hai....tum kha lo nahi to kam pad jaega".May be because I never scolded him...he he he..a diplomatic approcah to keep the cook on your side.Sitaram used to call me "kris" during my last few days..last days before I would leave bangalore !!!!

The usual morning in Mandhara (my ex flat in bangalore) started with vinay bringing teh news paper in the room and filling the room with the crackling noise of the news pages and neeru litting up cigg with morning tea in his hands..he would say..."kris..sutta maroge". No matter how adamant I was that I would never smoke..I never refused this offer.After some time Vinay would bring the breakfast and ask me to share with him.I would have a bite and then I would get my own plate.By this time,Rohit would be out of his bed and would be shouting..."kris...kris....kris...Yeha Aa"..tera favorite song a raha hai.When things were properly settled..every one having had their breakfast..Rishi would come and ask.."abhi breakfast kisne nahi kiya hai"...Rohit would shout.."a gaya uncle"....ha ha ha...amazing

Now to present..I am sitting in my flat here in Ipswich(UK) not having my breakfast till now.No body cares if I have it or not.The place ipswich is beautiful...untouched...weather is too good...roads are amazing.....traffic is too disciplined....but afterall I am alone...what the heck to do now.May be next week I will go to london to keep me occupied on weekend.But I have started to feel the void that is loomimg large in my lifestyle without teh frens I had in Bangalore.I never realized that I might miss India(specifically people out there) to this extent..but that is life I guess...you have to move on leaving behind the trail.

I will....May be I am thinking a bit too loud coz this is my first weekend in Uk and things will be in place as the days pass.....Anyway..I will have to go back to shape up my dreams for which I need support of my frens..my family.This reminds me of the discussion I had with Neeru and Vivek when I will listen like Kids to these guys posing questions like..."Yaar.... what can I do to be happy"..."yaar tum log itni chotti chotti cheezo se khush kaise ho jaate ho".."Yaar..why do I feel like lost". No matter if these guys were not expert, but they tried hard to give answers to each one of my query and the the end of discussion I would vow that I would be happy ..no matter what.But.....Pata nahi kyo...par. My search for meaning still continues..unabated.

I spent saturday doing things which I never did in my life...arranged my bed...procurred sabji...did shopping in the super market(shopping for things which I did not for last few months....rice...pickle...toilet paper...butter..bread )....cooked breakfast...cleaned up the flat.....cleaned up the plates...cleaned up my bathroom (yakkk....)and after all this the flat was worth living in... which was not...when I entered this flat.But, I enjoyed doing these small things (small from other's perspective but not mine).May be these are the small things which give happiness to normal people..normal people....ha ha ha....I am proud owner of boils(hathon me chaale !!!....maine bahut mehnat ki aj...mammi would be proud of me...ha ha ha...but she would be sad knowing that chottu has to work so hard to make living in foreign land) in my hands. I think I will get used to it and return to India being a very independent guy.This trip gonna change me like anything.....its a sure thing.

Long way to go in life....Life is so loooooooooong......

Thanks guys for treating me the way you did coz I know I can never find people like you..frens like you.

I can think of you guys only (ones in bold !!)..besides my family...when I think of India.

come back to Me

2005-09-04T11:36:00.000+05:30

why dont you understand my heart cries for you
nothing seems in place I am getting real mad
you are my passion for life the life that is you
you are not in my arms that is what makes me sad

I walk down the dark alleys of the numb city
I look for you in the places you were with me
One more step I take into the alley I feel pity
coz I know there is no one but darkness and me

Dont you ever of think of me I am there or not
you keep quiet please speak your heart out
the silence of the forbidden grave that I have got
try reaching my cries to your ears I try to shout

waves in the sea come and go away wetting the shore
a pearl is lost by the sea within the arms reach of mine
I take the pearl and draw the heart that you tore
not able to see you inside I wait till the moon shines

the moon did not come I lay there like abandoned soul
the morning came and the sun shines again with fire
why dint you come and make broken heart one that is whole
I know you will come someday and you are not a liar

i have cried a thousand tears and want to smile now
a wish is there to see you my love in my arms again
if a way is there to make it happen please tell me how
be the angel who you are and take away my pain

come back to me from where ever you have gone .....

Its hard to see you Gone

2005-08-31T08:47:00.000+05:30

When the sun shines in the morning
and the dew is still on the meadows
I open my eyes with tears in them
coz the dream is broken you are gone

[chorus]
Its hard to see you gone
Its hard to see you gone....my love

I see many a faces but none I like
yours is the one I am searching for
the crowd gets bigger with time
but you are nowhere to be seen

[chorus]
Its hard to see you gone
Its hard to see you gone....my love

each day of life makes me sad
coz i think you will forget me
what will I do with this life
when you are not there with me

[chorus]
Its hard to see you gone
Its hard to see you gone....my love

tell me that you will come back
if not give me a hope to live
its hard to die when sun still shines
its hard to die when you are still in my memories

[chorus]
Its hard to see you gone
Its hard to see you gone....my love

My Trip to Mumbai

2005-08-29T08:25:00.000+05:30

One of my dreams came true on saturday when I boarded the flight to Mumbai (Kingfisher Airlines).First milestone of the journey was the luxury I was offered for the money I spent.The serving babes were really hot..sophisticated..and very professional.The ambience was soothing.I waited for the plane to take off and soar up.I felt the sudden thrust and within a minute I was no more a resident of this planet earth coz i was flying...yeah..I was flying.The kid in me was rejuvenated which I had kind of lost.90000 meters above the earth,I could see the sky that was pristine... inhabitated...virgin( I know all three means teh same thing).No where to go..no where to reach.Stillness all around(which I got bored of after sometime).

Second milestone was when I landed in Mumbai at 10 in morning.My brother was there to recieve me.From the airport (Santa Cruz) I headed towards Bandra Kurla Citigroup office where I was interviewed.They said I was being too demanding (4.5 lac + On site+ development +Technology and we could not reach a deal.I walked out a bit disappointed.The weather out there was gushing heat like anything.My brother escorted me to Borivali(hope teh spelling is correct), a suburb in mumbai.While en route to Borivali,I had a chance to glimpse at the real life of mumbai.The skyscrapers...slum sprouted between these skyscraper..kids playing in dust.On reaching there..I found to my surprise..the place was a hub for TCS guys and the apartment where I stayed (Cascade II) was next to a TCS office..not again..I wanted to get away from names like Infosys...TCS..Wipro.Bangalore is nothing but these 3 and I had enough of banaglore.I had a sense of deja vu on reaching the place..it seemed that I had been there before...but then every place in mumbai features some common pattern and I had been there 2 years back. I settled down and moved to a local restaurant (by the name green) for lunch.Went to a mall in west parel (Phoenix)..did some window shopping and then came back to the hub again.By this time I had grown impatient of Mumbai just coz of the heat and humidity.I wanted to move out of Mumbai as soon as possible and repented my decision to have a gap in my itinerary.

I slept and got up early in teh morning to have a look at mumbai when it was still virgin from traffic and people.My room at the 7th floor offered a panaromic view of mumbai skyline.Had morning tea and morning sutta and then headed to Santa Cruz airport.The airport was much better than out here in bangalore.I took my window seat and closed my eyes trying to reflect on my trip.I was happy that I could not struck a deal with Citi coz I don't belong to that place.

I would never return to Mumbai.

Hold my Hand

2005-08-23T11:32:00.000+05:30

when the stars are there in the sky
the city sleeps in the abyss night
breeze with a fragrance of loneliness
I am all alone talking to my heart

hold my hand and say you love me

When the waves in sea gets raging
moonlit sky glows with divine charm
there is no one but me and my shadow
I am all alone talking to my heart

hold my hand and say you love me

When the crowd gets swelling
noises and cries everywhere
my heart getting numb each moment
I am all alone talking to my heart

hold my hand and say you love me

when the world seems oblivious to you
when your eyes are sodden with tears
when you want to smile but can not
when you are all alone talking to ur heart

I will be the one to hold your hand and say

I Love You .....

I destroyed my World

2005-07-29T09:44:00.000+05:30

Here is a description of what goes in the minds of a husband and his wife. The wife is hostage to teh terrorists along with other tourists and husband is hiding in a cottage nearby along with his 10 months old baby.The husband has fully loaded sniper in his hand coz he has been a soldier and he is ready to shoot the commander of the terrorists.

The terrorist has a 60 pound hammer in his hands which he is using to annihilate the innocent tourusts striking right on the top of head. one strike and no more sunshines ...no more full moon nights...only darkeness for the victim.

The wife looks into the eyes of her husband coz she knows where he is hiding.

please don't shoot ...please dont shoot
you wont be able to kill em all
They will get after you my dear
they ll kill you they ll kill our baby

The husband's eyes which were raging with anger suddenly gets sodden with tears.He does not understands why he is crying coz her wife is alive standing before her and he has the gun to save her.Probably he is crying coz he could understand teh language of her wife's eyes. He loves her more than anything. They need not say everything explicitly to make the other one understand. They had shared a beautiful life together till now.It was a small world for them which comprised of two souls in love with each other and a genesis of fusion of them ....their child. He cannot stop the tears rolling over his cheeks.

The husband replies

please dont stop me my love..please dont
coz I can't let you die before my eyes
I can't live without you......I cant
I will die but wont let teh SOB kill you

He knows that he will be killed but not willing to believe coz he is blind in love. He has lost teh power of rationality..he is unable to rationalise what is prudent at that moment coz they are going to kill his wife.

People are being killed mercilessly.The terrorist is oblivious of the exchanges the husband and teh wife are doing. He is oblivious of the persevessive love which was there when he was not there and which is still there when he is killing the peoplel.His presence has further strengthened the bond of love between the husband and the wife.

Now the wife looks at the dead bodies lying in pool of blood which is encircling her. She come to terms that she is not the only one going to be dead but there are others..equally respectable....equally deserving not to be dead this way.Suddenly she feels a gush of love for these people..she can not understand why...she does not know these people any more than that they are human beings.She forgets her small world for a moment and her soul merges with the soul of world where she is mother of all those people being killed. She is seeing her childrens being killed before her eyes. This feeling of helplessness overpowers her. she sings

Oh almighty why this darkness around
We are your childrens give us some light
Let the seeds of love be planted everywhere
Let this orgy of death be stopped

The commander of the terrorists orders to kill the wife coz he is scared if her preachings would affect his men's thought process.The terrorist moves towards the wife violently shaking the hammer in his hands. The husband moved his finger on the trigger and targets the bastard. He looks at the child who has has a smile on his face oblivious of the fact that her mother is going to be killed.By this time,husband is cognizant of the fact that he will be sacrificng his baby's life if he shoots at the terrorist.He looks into his wife's eyes.She has tears in her eyes...her preaching has stopped by now...she opens her arms as if she wants to hug her husband and their baby for the last time...last time when her world wont be there.Even in the face of death she can think only of the saftey of her baby and her husband.

she says...

good bye... my last good bye dear
we wont meet again...you know that
but remember my last words
I love you and will love you till eternity
please dont cry when I am not here
for you have my baby to take care
you will be a father..you ll be a mother
giving you all my responisbilities...I am sorry
I wish we had some more time before I go
I wish I could kiss you ..could hug you one more time
I wish I could feed my baby for the last time
Let her not feel that her mother is not there
For I ll always be there for you and her

Now the barrage of emotions breaks for teh husband and he starts crying profusely.some of the tears rolls on to the child's eyes.He starts crying.The husband keeps his hands on the child's mouth but he can't take his eyes off her wife who is moments away from being lifeless.A body with no soul.

he says

Good bye..good bye my love
I am sorry..I could not save you
I wish I am dead now coz I cant bear it anymore
I wish I am alive for our child
Let me tell you..I love you
I wont cry when you are not here
but I wont laugh when you are not here
I will be alive for I have promises to keep
I will be there when our child weeps

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

She is gone befor his eyes
In pool of blood her body lies
He closes his eyes
Not to shout..... he tries

He looks at the baby who has turned white by now. His hands still covering her face.He takes his hands off the face and shouts

breath...breath..my baby
breath...breath....my child
breath...breath...my love
breath..breath....breath...breath

the baby is dead by now.He does not breaths again. The husband has killed his daughter coz he wanted to save her life.

He says....

Please forgive me my love
I have killed your baby
I dont deserve to live anymore
I am coming to sleep in your lap
Please accept me..please forgive me

He aims the rifle to his forehead and shoots.The blood splashed across the wall...across the baby's face..across everywhere......

and teh small world comes to an end.........

(inspired by Savior)

Don't Love me

2005-07-27T14:29:00.000+05:30

Love me not coz I would leave you
I cant give you anything but tears
Long way I have to go before I stop
dont wait coz i would never be back

I have found my world
you will find urs baby
time we spent is a memory now
this is where our jouney ends

I pray that we never meet again
coz I want to forget you baby
pains I have taken for you
I dont want to take any more

there is no one but me
no reasons to cry for anyone
No reasons to live for you
No reasons to die for you

the sun will shine for you
the moon will lit the night for you
winds would caress your body
but I wont be there for I am gone

You will laugh you ll cry
tears would be there in eyes
when you think of time we spent
wipe them out coz I wont be there

One thing I would ever regret
never said I love you baby
but remember these words
if we never meet again

but.....

I pray that we never meet again
coz I want to forget you baby
pains I have taken for you
I dont want to take any more

Idea of Being in Love

2005-06-30T20:24:00.000+05:30

It all started when her message landed in my inbox by chance. She did not know who was I . I did not know her but it seems that we were destined to meet, though for a short while, but we met. She came in at a stage where things were complicated for me. I was trying hard to find a meaning in my life.I was taking life too seriously letting go of the present in want of making a better future. Overcoming the initial skepticism we startted messaging each other.She was waiting for her new job.Messaging me was one of the few jobs she had during that period. Finally we decided to meet each other, a blind date. I reached the place a few minutes eaarlier than her and waited for her to arrive contemplating how she would be.She arrived, and she arrived in my life. We got seated in one of the hotel on teh outskirts of the city. We both were very modest about ourselves.Modest..she knows what I mean.It was 11 in the night when we decided to leave the place. I got an auto for her and dropped to her PG and the day ended for me. I came back , lay on my bed and started thinking, where it would end. Will we meet tomorrow, will we meet again or will we meet ever. I asked her how was the date and she gave me 7 out of 10.I dont know why but I had a sense of clarity in what ever I was doing after meeting her.
>
>Saturday came. She was to leave for her job the next day. I messaged and we decided would meet in the night, the night before the night she wont be here. She came late at 10:30 at the hotel near to my room. It was too late to find a place at any of the places in the city. She accompanied me to my room.It was 11 by then, the time we ended our meetiing the previous day.We sat together for a while when it started raining.It rained like anything.I dont remember what we talked about, but we talked. It got 1 and was still raining. I could see the worry on her innocent face. She was trusting a guy whom she had met just one day before. I said I will drop her and then we got out prepared to get wet. Luckily we got an auto and I dropped her, though she paid for the auto. I came back and introspected on what had happened between us. Instantly I thought that , I was in love. I asked her if I can propose her. She said, no , I can't , lest I want to spoil what ever we had shared. Why did I think that I was in love her. How could it be love when we had met just twice. May be I needed a company like her who brought a clarity in my life.I could not let her go but I did.
>
>Sunday came. She was to leave in the night and she left. I escorted her to the railway station.I was a bit sad thinking that things are going very fast, faster than I could reflect upon them. She was cheerful, as always. The only moment I could see the sadness on her face was when his boy fren called him with whom she had broken up. Then I realised, why is she so skeptical about entering in a relationship with me. She was hurted and her innocent her eyes were a mirror to her feelings at that moment. She wanted to talk with him, but she did not, may be bacuase I was there and she needed time alone.I offered him to go away, but she did not let me. She is considerate, I know. Considerate of my feelings.The train started moving and she had to run to get into it. I bid adieu to her and my feets were moving faster than the train. The moment came when I turned back and I could see her talking to her mom. She waved her hands and I gestured back. I have not seen her after that and I don't know when we meet again. I got the auto back to my room, while the train was still a part inside the railway station.It was drizzling and the moments were sodden with rain along with the feeling of sadness I had to let her go.Her message came "Bye Kris". This was the last thing I needed to be convinced that she is gone. She asked me, why do things end like the way it ended in our case. I asked her, if she will come back and she said, don't know.
>Getting back to the room, she called me and we talked for 5 minutes. I went to sleep because her cell got out of reach.
>
>Things were going fine. We used to communicate regulary thorugh messages and calls. Gradually, she became indispensable for me and I waited for the night to arrive so that I can call her. Night, when she would be free because I did not want to disturb her. It wass pretty clear that we liked each other. But it was something more than just the lking and I realised that I was in love with her though I dont know what it means to be in love. I just knew that it would be difficult leavng without her. She was a dimension to my life which only a few weeks ago, was wavered.I tried telling her that I love her and I told through message. I could not dare enough to tell her because I did not know how she will respond.She was still skeptical of entering any relationship with me and it dawned upon me that I can't get her love.I thought I could change her thought just by being in touch with her but things started going the worng way. I tried to be just a fren to her but it was difficult. We used to talk for long hours on phone without anything to talk. It could not be just a liking as I thought. What I did was more than liking her and what I could not do was to say to her that I love you. One night after talking to her 3 hrs on phone, I sent her a message that I won't be talking to her now onwards. I don't know why did this. I don't know. I slept with a heay heart thinking that things are all over. The next day came and ..............I am writing this letter.
>
>I am not sure how things would end...But I will wait..

First Date's Poem

2005-06-07T09:27:00.001+05:30

I still remember the first day we met
The clouds were waiting to get us wet
You seemed like an beautiful angel to me
Nothing else in the world but you I could see

It never rained and we went to restaurant
To find all the chairs with their occupant
How in her life could I let this angel wait
I asked fren sitting there to look for the gate

He moved out for us and we got the seat
The weather got rude gushing out heat
We ordered the drinks 100 piper and Vodka
She went for Sprite and I asked the Soda

She started talking as she ever do
But I was breathing deeper than I do
She took glass to her lips to take teh sip
I could see my reflection in glass taking the dip

I took the drink down the throat to speak
The crowd getting bigger being end of week
I asked the angel what her real name was
She laughed at me I felt myself a passe

We finished the drinks It was getting late
She insisted that we reach for the gate
I walked to the counter she followed me
I waited for the lady to get beside me

I got the taxi knowing that she would like to go
I asked what else about me she needed to know
She laughed at me and asked why should she
She must be thinking what a jerk is he

I finally bid adieu to her feeling sth amiss
While coming back I realised about the kiss
It was latde to go back when I was not sure
Unsure of what was behind teh lure

I came back lay on my bed thinking about the angel
The next day came and the next date with teh angel
The clock was ticking ticking like a snail
Emotions were no less in my heart than the gale

I still remember the second day we met
Clouds showered and we got really wet...

To be continued..........

This is the House where I lived

2005-05-31T09:33:00.000+05:30

This is a story of an old man who has just died in his old home

This is the house where I started my journey of life
The journey has reached its end though there is a strife
The old mirror shows a very faint reflection of mine
Next to the mirror lies the empty bottle of my favorite wine
I take the bottle in my hand and move it closer to my lips
Hoping against the hope that there will be few more drips
This is the house where I started my journey of life

There is the cellar in the corner of the room I used to hide
On top of it is the wooden horse I used to ride
The horse is too old now woods have fallen apart
I feel that he is bored of standing out there and needs a fresh start
The shattered crockeries lies there in the wash basin
Some of them still home the leftover raisin
I can see the broken platform where Mom used to cook
I can see her smiling from the pages of the cookery book
This is the house where I started my life

There lies the big banyan tree spanning across outside the window
There was a time when one could see out there many a shadows
The earth there has dried now It seems nobody has walked down the lane for long
The feeling of nostalgia overpowers me holds me very strong
I look for the shadow of my mother's clothes to escape teh scorching sun
But all I do and can do ends in a never ending run
My mother wont be there for me I know that
But I say oh Mother look out there is teh place together we sat
My mother has taken teh call of god she has left me for ever
Eternity is what I have waited for her but I know she would be here never
This is the house where I started my life

The well next to the house is dried now All the toads are dead
The empty bucket is making creeping noise whom I as kid used to dread
I asked the mother to keep the bucket shut the noise up
I know this bucket would stop only when my mortals are covered up
A few feets ahead of the well lies the garden I used to play
I tried finding a door to heaven but could not find teh way
Tired exhausted I make my way back to the my beloved chair
Before I close my eyes I can see at the corner the upstairs
I can hear the noise that was there before the eternity
I try to explain to my soul with utmost brevity
The life has come to an end and doors to heaven are open
There is no searching the way anymore All the illusions are broken
This is the house where I started my life

This is the house where I started my life
This is the house where I started my life
This is the house where I started my life
This is the house where I ended my life

I will miss you my Love

2005-05-29T11:59:00.000+05:30

I will miss you my love

You left me dear on my own devices
Tears are in my eyes I can't let em out
Tears are in my eyes I can't hold on
I can feel the lump in my throat
I cant belive that you have left me

I will miss you my love I will die

I can feel the pain streaming through my body
Each moment becomes a mirror to the moments we spent together
My nerves are choking eyes are closing
Light of the day is hiding behind the curtain
I can feel the darkness covering my eyes
I can count the breathes I have

I will miss you my love I will die

I am writing my last poem for you my love
I wish you could read me I wish you could understand me
I look at the rain outside the window
The drops are piercing my heart I cannot bear the pain
I look for you trying to kill my pain
But I can see you walking away my love

I will miss you my love I will die

I know you need some time all alone
But I can't wait any long my love
My eyes are further closing
All I can see is darkness All I can feel is pain
Please come back my love I don't want to die
I will love you for my life
You are the one I have lived for You are the one I will die for

I will miss you my love I will die
I will miss you my love I will die
I will miss you my love I will die

The Gal I don't know

2005-05-26T11:23:00.000+05:30

I haven't met you other at any of the crossroads
But it seems that you have always been before me
I haven't heard your voice
But your voice is I can hear from all the corners
I haven't seen your face
But I try scribbing my paper to give you a face
I make efforts To meet the gal I don't know

I haven't seen you laughing
But I smile just by thinking about you
I haven't seen you crying
But your tears I can feel dripping through mu shirt
I haven't seen you standing on the terrace in the night
But I can see your reflection in the skyline
I haven't seen you thinking about your parents
But I can see the pain in my eyes
I make imaginations to meet the gal I don't know

I haven't feel you kissing me
But I can feel the air which touches my lips
I haven't hugged you
But I close my arms when I miss you
I haven't looked staright into your eyes
But I stare at teh sea for eternity
I haven't walked with you along the beach
But I have walked a thousand miles thinking about you
I make illusions to meet the gal I don't know

I make efforts to meet the gal I dont know
I make imaginations to meet the gal I dont know
I make illusions to meet teh gal I don't know

I know I will meet you.....one day.....

Milestones in my Life

2005-05-26T11:09:00.000+05:30

I have lived my life I am dying now
I look back in desperation to see the milestones
A stone was placed when I was born
A stone will be placed when I die
A stretch of roads is in between the two roads

Milestones are few in my journey
I can't cherish them anyway
born everyone is dead everyone is
Life for me has become a sad poem
With darkness all around confusisons all around

I can see a few milstones half broken
I can see a few milestones half consructed
But this does not gives me pleasure
I would have loved to see a monument
But I lost it all I waste it all

Moments Passed by I never realised
Days Passed by I never realised
Years passed by I never realised
Life is over I can realise now

I am dying now and the journey of my life has no milestones

The Present

2005-03-27T11:58:00.000+05:30

I sit in my room staring at teh watch

It seems to me time would never stop
It gives you a dimension from past to future
But your position always remains in the present
No matter how hard you try to traverse across the dimension
You are there in the present

You see in past in desperation
Hoping to go back and correct the things
To save your dying family members
To save your dying friend
To pass in one more exam of life
But all you egt is Present

You see in future in anticipation
The coming days will bring glory to life
The coming days will give you worry free sleep
The coming days would grant you happiness
Happiness is what we all strive for
But all you get is Present

All that you have got is Present
But have you ever lived in present
All your life passed in trying to traverse the fourth dimension
You never relished teh momoent offered to you that is present
The present is a present which if you never got
You did not live your life

Let me Stop and Think

2005-03-27T11:51:00.000+05:30

Life is not what I am leaving
Days are passing by without me realising
Goals are there glaring bright
No ways to check if I am right
Days pass by life goes on
The last day won't pass and I won't be alive anymore

Each day come as a opportunity
To move a step closer to my goal
But steps I tale away from teh goal
Life goes on steps moving away
God knows I meet the goal or not

Let me stop and think what I am doing

Let me think where am I going
Someday teh journey has to stop
Roads to journey would be there
Goals to journey would be there
Thing to see is teh distance between the two

Let me stop and think
Let me stop and think

Where am I going

Mom, Please save me

2005-03-27T11:39:00.000+05:30

Oh Mother please save me
I am afraid of teh darkness out there
You told me when I was a kid ocean is goddess
Your godess is taking me away from you
Ask her to leave me mom
I know my brother is in your arms you won't be able to save me
But ain't you a god I thought till now
Does it mean mother you are just a simple human being with no special powers
No I can't believe it Mother you are all powerful
Oh Mother please save me I am dying

Oh Mother please save me
I am hungry for last 3 days
My stomach is crumpling with pain
When you sit along with me crying doing nothing
I feel how helpless I am
I know mother even if you get a piece of bread you would feed me
even though you die of hunger
But can'y you geta piece of bread mom
I know you don't have money
But ain't you a god I thought till now
Does it mean mother you are just a simple human being with no special powers
No I can't believe it Mother you are all powerful
Oh Mother please save me I am dying

Oh Mother please save me
They have put teh knife on my neck
They will behead me if you don't do anything
A chill of fear and pain is streaming through my veins
I am afraid I won't be able to see you again mother
I know if you were here Mother you won't have allowed me to be dead before your eyes
I know you don't know where I am mom
But ain't you a god I thought till now
Does it mean mother you are just a simple human being with no special powers
No I can't believe it Mother you are all powerful
Oh Mother please save me I am dying

Thanks God

2005-03-27T11:22:00.000+05:30

I get ot of my bed still breathing ot
The sun is not there at the horizon yet
Peace is there stillness is there
I get out of my bed still breathing out

I am alive I can feel it
The wind has got messages for my soul
The trees say something when I see them
I can see the reflection of teh Sun on teh window

I get out on my terace still breathing out
I can hear the crow croaking
Some one cleaning his home
I feel that I am still alive

If I am alive I should not be dead
I am not dead yet which means I am alive
I am alive still breathing out
Thanks God I am still alive

I am losing my Self

2005-03-27T11:10:00.000+05:30

It's hard to be what I am
Everyone wants a piece of me
Responsibilities galore on my self
I am losing my self

My soul is trapped in a box
I can't see what's out there
There must be an end to teh darkness
Tears galore to my self
I am losing my self
My head is wrecking, blowing
Stream of fear flow through the body
A chilling pain is what I can feel
Pains galore to my self
I am losing my self

I don't want to laugh
I don't want to talk
I don't want to cry
Feelings galore wrecking my self
I am losing my self

Life is losing meaning to me
Death doen't mean anything to me
If life is there there is no death
If death is there where is life
Confusions galore to my self
I am losing my self

I am losing my self
I am losing my self
I am losing my self
I am losing my self

I am Confused

2005-02-08T18:07:00.000+05:30

I get on the terrace in the night
Mankind is sleeping or pretending to do so
I look up in the sky seeing the stars as they were millions of years old
I look inside to see myself as a just born kid
I try to feel the difference,the star and the Me
I am confused, I am confused

The star may not be there but I can see it
I will not be there, but I can't feel it
Can I swap my position with the star
Mankind feels my essence long after I am gone
I am confused, I am confused

I know a soul is there inside me, the Eternal soul
The soul which contains the multiverse
I am willing to belive it, but finding it too exotic
I try to lie it, but find it too inherent in me
I am confused, I am confused

I feel the chilling wind caressing my body
I can't bear it anymore
I want to look into the stars for the whole night
Night is getting too big to be awake
I go to the bed hoping to unravel the mystery in my dreams
I come out of bed in the morning to still find the mystery unsolved
I am confused, I am confused

May be today is the last day in my life, I can see the mystery unfold
I hope this is not the last day in my life, I have relations to keep
I wish I could go to a retreat to loose my self to discover myself
I wish I never loose my self
I go left, I go right
I am confused, I am confused

Why I am not becoming Spiritual

2005-01-13T18:09:00.000+05:30

I don't know WHY?? The more I try to become spiritual, the more confused I get. Is spirituality living in confusion or is it something where you have utmost clarity about everything, evrything that IS and that IS not in this multiverse. Spirituality seeks silence in your heart but boy....is it easy. No way. There are so many interruptions( atleast for a seeker who is new on this path). Your so called friends are the biggest obstacle I guess. They don't undestand that you are evolving or seeking a great path, but a offend when you go for a retreat and do minimal talking.

Even when we try real hard to be ourself, it is very difficult to be the being you are..isn't it. You fear that you may loose all your frens or you may upset your colleagues in the office. But.. believe me..You can risk it all in order to realize your self. No body should be more important to you than your own life. Your soul is on a path of karma which is due on you in this incarnation and similarly for others. Each one of us is here pursuing her attainment of highest glory that is nothing but self realisation.

As Neale has said:

You have to realise the grandest version of the greatest vision you ever had in your life

You are on a path of highest attainment and don't let the worldly things like relations, money distract you.

YOU start dying the moment YOU are born

2005-01-03T18:47:00.000+05:30

We don't realise this..isn't it and live our life as if we are here till eternity. We take each second, each mninute, each hour and finally each day for granted without realising that we can't traverse back on the 4th dimension i.e. time.

It's very unfortunate that we need an external impetus to remind us of the urgency we have at our disposal. When we loose some one very close to us who was supposed to live for another 40-50 years, we realise that life is precious and we can't take it for granted. Disasters like Tsunami where thousands of people died may be a shock like what I was referring.

Life is too short guys !!! When you see the extent of life as compared to extent of Universe it is almost negligible. On the hand we have the universe( or the multiverse for quantum geeks) which is there for billions of year and on the other we have our life which doesn't last for more than 200 years (I haven't heard of).

When I say life it means the karma due on us in this incarnation because Life is eternal and it continues even after we cease to exist.

The message is that start each day as if this is the last day you are living and do all those things which gives YOU satisfaction.

Spirituality in daily life of a Software Engineer

2004-12-17T18:13:00.000+05:30

I am writing this post when the day is over and my colleagues are getting up from their seats to go out and enjoy the week end. Does this means they don't enjoy on the week days. Probably yes.

The enthusiasm with which Friday is welcomed by them is no where to be seen on Monday morning which means people don't love their work. If you ask no body will accept that he or she doesn't love the work assigned and each one of them would like to contribute to the success of the company. I wish some how I could scan their heart with emotion meter which would reflect the nerves tightening up while they are pretending to be what they are not.But brain(not mind)would not give us the fact because brain can make things out of thin air.

WHY ???????

It is because some where he or she knows that they have lost the essence of life which is nothing but Love. The love I am talking about is very different from the love a guy falls in with a gal or vice versa which is nothing but a sort of compromise. My next article will give a universal law which will prove that there is no such thing called love coming into picture when a guy falls for a gal or vice versa.

Love I am talking about is independent of sex. It is the love for what all there is and for all what is not there. In order to make a earning we are leading a life of drudgery.Having said that, it doesn't mean we are our selves responsible for leading such a life and it's very much in our domain to change the circumstances but what is required is an inner conscience.

oh..My net access is going to be over. Will c ya in my next article which will be in continuation of this one. Oh yeah.. I haven't forgotten about the universal law. I will post it very soon.

Welcome to krishan space

2004-12-16T18:31:00.000+05:30

Hi all

I have created this blog which will enable people who are searching for a meaning in their life to share a common paltform. When I started on the journey of soul searching i had just a few good books at my disposal, the learnings of which could be interpreted in any way. There are many out there who need a companion with whom they can share their learnings and experience in order to create themselves anew.

Let's join our thought processes to extract the essence of our life. I would be regularly posting my learnings and experiences and would request you to become a part of this space which i call as

krishan space