Dad, I miss you

Today I was watching The Wonder Years where Kevin goes to his Dad's office and gets to know what he actually does. His Dad tells him how this job was a fallback option and what he actually wanted to be i.e. a Ship Captain. It was such a nice feeling to know that behind that stern facade there is a man with dreams; dreams about what he wanted to be. What made it more mesmerising is that this guy carries on with his responsibilities every day so that his family can be happy as he put in very crude terms

"I clean other people's crap so that I can feed you guys" :)

Doing your duties when knowing that your dreams have gone by and you might not ever relize them, is a painful task.

The episode made me think about my Dad. I was fourteen when God took him away from us. I never got a chance to talk to him like that. I never knew why he took up this job and what he wanted to become in his life. All I talked to my Dad was; Dad I want this battery car, Dad I want to buy a pair of shoes, Dad I want to buy this Shirt, Dad I want this, Dad I want that. He for me was the giver;I would ask and he would buy it from me. After he bought stuff for me, I would go out and play with my friends but always thinking about the toy or clothes or shoes he bought for me. That made me happy. I never thought my Dad would be there with whom I will talk and thank him for whatever he was doing for us. All mthat mattered to me weas , the thing and not him.

One time, I cam back after giving my Std IX exams and Dad took my paper and asked me, "What did you answer fir this Maths question". I said in an irritated tone, "Dad, what do you know about this Maths?". Oh, god now I understand how much it would have hurted him for his son to answer like that when he had taught me everything till now. He felt bad, i know because he was talking to my mom saying " My son says that what will I know about his maths problem". Dad, I am sorry for that moment, I am sorry dad.

He gave us all he could and then he went away with god. I was crying. He left me crying never to come back, no matter how hard I try.

I never tried to understand my Dad, I never tried to understand his aspirations, I never tried to understand if he was happy.

If only I had a chance to meet him once, just once, I will talk over these things to my Dad and thank him for what he did for us.

Dad, I miss You

Kris